Ringing in April

It's only 2 hours until April. So, I figure now is as good as a time as ever to add another little gem to my blog. No promises on the value of said gem, though. This might only end up to be a .25 carat blemished little sucker. Thanks for loving me anyway. :)

It has come to my attention that I'm ridiculous.

Oh wait...we already knew that!

Exhibit A:

Being ridiculous must run in the family...

But it's true.

Allow me to clarify.

Perhaps it is better said that I have recently been forced to confront the awful truth that I am a still, no matter how much I talk about being a grown up, I'm still a little bitty girl. I am unable to deny that I am so terrified of making the wrong choices in my life, that sometimes I deny myself even living.

figuratively, silly.

No, I don't spend all my time hiding in my room, wrapped under the bed covers refusing to come out. Far from it! I actually probably don't spend as much quality time with my bed as I should. Case in point: it is now officially past my make-believe official bed time. But I'm not in bed. I'm on the couch. Watching Univision (because no one else is home and I can get away with it!!! Not that that's ever stopped me before though :). I think my pretty bed is jealous of the couch. Poor thing.

...but I digress...

What I'm trying to say, is that when it comes to certain aspects of my life, I live in so much fear of making the wrong choice that I never choose. I just sit there biding my time and waiting to choose without ever actually choosing.

Lately, I've been proverbially smacked upside the head with a glimpse of what life would be like if I stick to that path. Now I'm not claiming to be a psychic or storyteller, but I can kind of see how the decisions I make now will play out in the future.

And if I keep pretending the decisions before me don't exist, I won't be unhappy.

But I also won't be using all of my gifts and abilities to their greatest levels.

I'll be running at 50 or maybe 75% of capacity.

And here's the problem:

I WANT TO USE IT ALL!

So friends, as you help me ring in April (and may it be filled with warm, lovely weather, and may we not all get fooled too badly tomorrow!), I ask that you help keep me accountable.

Don't let me get lazy.
Don't let me keep sweeping my junk under the rug or stuffing it in the closet.

More to come soon.

with details.

hopefully.


For now, my camita is calling. :)

Brick Wall

I was just pondering life. Specifically my life, and this little analogy came to mind. I actually think it's spot on to how I feel right now which really makes me excited because usually my analogies require a lot of stretching for them to make sense at all.

Anyway, right now I feel like I'm standing before a brick wall.

I'm not talking a brick retaining wall. No, I mean a legit brick wall that's, say, 10-15 feet high. And it stretches on either side for forever, or at least too far for me to walk around it.

The thing is, I want to get to what's on the other side of that wall. Now, mind you, I have NO CLUE what is on the other side of that wall, but I do know that I feel impelled to get to that side. To see what is over there. To fully experience life. Because up to now I've only been able to experience what is on my side of the wall. But I know that there is a lot more on that other side if I could just get over there. And I feel like God is calling me there. He wants me to come to that other side. Probably even more than I do.

The tricky part is I can't go around the wall (it stretches for seemingly forever, remember). And I can't go through the wall because I don't have any tools or any cool superpowers.

So I stand before the wall and look up. Because up is the only way I'm getting over it. But up scares me. Because up is going to be a lot of work. If I could walk around the wall, it would be easy. Because I know how to walk. And even if I have to walk a long ways, I'm experienced at it. I know I can do that.

And if I could somehow go through the wall, that would be great too. Because either a) I'd have some wicked awesome superpower that would let me do it, b) I'd have power tools that I could use, or c) even with just a chisel I could take my frustration out on the stupid wall for being so difficult.

So really, my only option is to scale the wall myself, which makes me really nervous, or just give up. And I don't want to give up. But I know it's going to be really hard and challenging and long if I try to do it by myself. Which means, in turn, that I need help. And I don't really like asking for help either (stupid feminist ideals!).

But it looks like that combined with faith and trust are my only options.