Sitting here nursing a mug of sleepytime because I have a headache and its 9:55 and I should be in bed and flirting with sleep in about 5 minutes. That's depressing. It used to be ridiculous for me to even bother trying to go to bed before midnight. Maybe I'm normal now, but I don't know. I kind of miss my late nights.
I was chatting with one of my bffs last night. She lives in El Salvador so I don't really get to talk to her much anymore which is also kind of sad, but legitimately so. We were talking about life and how we wish we could be back at school with each other, complaining on her couch and eating tres leches cake or THE cake (you know which cake I'm talking about) and then deciding by the end of it that we would survive. Cake and her couch and each other always made life seem right somehow. Anyways, now I could really use that because I feel like my life is at a giant crossroads and I'm just a little ant sitting in the middle not knowing which way to go.
The giant dilemma of my crossroads centers on a few things.
My job. To stay or not to stay. To wait for the right something else to come along or to grab the first decent opportunity that I get. ...to just quit tomorrow. I don't like it. To be honest, it's lost any luster that it originally had. The only scary thing is I don't have an end date where I know I'll be done with it. Post-college jobs aren't like college ones, where you know that at the end of the summer that you'll be done and so if you can just bear it until then, you'll be good. Nope. Now I have to be a grownup and stick with it unless I find something else. Otherwise I'm going to be living in the car that isn't even my car and eating ketchup packets for sustenance.
Okay, so that was a little dramatic. but still.
Grad School. The question isn't to go or not to go anymore. We've got harder questions to deal with now. You know the types, the W questions. Where to go, when to go, what the heck to study. And then there is the one, lovely, token H question-How the heck to pay for it. I thought my life was supposed to get easier once I graduated. I will have the slip of paper that says I survived 4 years of hard work and diligence, qualifying me for all of the wonderful jobs that all types of great companies and people want to offer me. Isn't my ideal life picturesque? Instead I'm greeted with the fact that I am in educational limbo right now. It seems like all of the jobs that I'm qualified for don't even require a bachelors because the pay grade is so low. The other jobs that I really want to do require a masters and/or several years of experience. Neither of which I have right now. Shoot. And I'd go to school tomorrow if I could to start working towards that, but then there comes the catch 22, I don't know what to study yet anyway!!!
Aggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is how I feel right now.
And I know that God has me here for a reason, and I'm sure it's a pretty darn good one. But I just want to learn my lesson right now and move to the next thing. I'm ready to like my job and to be excited to go everyday instead of dreading it and counting the minutes until I can leave. I don't want to spend 9 hours of everyday in a place that I don't really enjoy doing things that I don't enjoy, plus another 2 hours travelling and preparing to go there everyday.
Needless to say I'm trying to sort a lot of things out right now and I'm doing an awful lot of praying too. And I'd be eating cake too, but I feel like sitting on the couch with just my computer and an entire cake would be a bit much. Haha...I'll just stick to my tea and my chocolate dipped digestives for now (shout out to Libby for getting them at world market for us!).
